Quote

“Oh, Lord, please let me say the right words this afternoon, as I consecrate another gay union that angers you so.”

“And do you Julio take Thad to be your lawfully wedded life partner, in Massachusetts and Vermont, maybe Canada, stay out of Texas, for as long as you both are gay?” (audio clip)

-Homer Simpson in There’s Something About Marrying

Catholic Pickup Lines

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

8. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

6. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

5. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

3. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

1. Confess here often?

(by Patrick Madrid of Envoy)

Any guesses on which one of these I have actually tried?

Awesome!

I just thought it was funny.

Quote

“And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.”

-Stephen Colbert

Quote

“Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.”

-Homer Simpson in The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star

Quote

“I consider all religions equal. And by equal, I mean they’re all tied for second place behind Catholicism.”

-Stephen Colbert

The 7 Deadly Sins

Sin creates a proclivity to sin; it engenders vice by repetition of the same acts. This results in perverse inclinations which cloud conscience and corrupt the concrete judgment of good and evil. Thus sin tends to reproduce itself and reinforce itself, but it cannot destroy the moral sense at its root.

(Catechism of the Catholic Church 1865)

Vices can be classified according to the virtues they oppose, or also be linked to the capital sins which Christian experience has distinguished, following St. John Cassian and St. Gregory the Great. They are called “capital” because they engender other sins, other vices. They are pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia.

(Catechism of the Catholic Church 1866)

Image taken from Jessica Hagy’s Indexed

A Typical Conversation

Before the holidays the last thing I do at work is typically wish everyone I work with a Merry Christmas or a Happy Easter or whatever. I especially make sure to do this with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. On the day before Thanksgiving 2006 one of these conversations went something like this:

Me: Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

JW: I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.

Me: You don’t celebrate Thanksgiving? Why not?

JW: I’m one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or any other holidays.

Me: Why is that?

JW: Because of the pagan origins of Thanksgiving.

Me: Pagan origins? You mean the Pilgrims and the Indians giving thanks?

JW: Yeah. There were pagan origins.

Me: I don’t understand. Please explain further.

JW: Thanksgiving has pagan origins somehow. So we can’t celebrate it. Because of the pagan origins.
Me: OK. Whatever. What would happen if you would celebrate it.

JW: I would be disfellowshipped.  Basically, I would be shunned by my family.

Me: For celebrating Thanksgiving?

JW: Yes.

Me: Well, have a Happy Thursday then. Enjoy your day off.

JW: Thanks.

Me: So, what do you have planned on your day off then?

JW: My wife and I are going to my mom’s for dinner. My brothers are bringing their families too.

Me: So, you’re having Thanksgiving dinner?

JW: No! That’s pagan.

Me: OK. What are you having?

JW: Turkey and mashed potatoes. And cranberries too.

Me: Let me guess - you’re also having pumpkin pie.

JW: Yes.

Me: But, it’s not Thanksgiving dinner?

JW: No!

Me: Because you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving?

JW: Right!

Me: OK. Whatever. Have a Happy Thursday.

I have had very similar conversations around almost every holiday with about a half dozen Jehovah’s Witnesses.

An Argument For Or Against Liturgical Dancing?

It’s Stephen Colbert so it must be good. Right? I’m so confused