Ad Te Levávi Ánimam Meam

To Thee have I lifted up my soul (Introit – 1st Sunday of Advent)

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Sad But True

Posted by james0235 on April 24, 2010

I found this on Craigslist of all places. And it does seem to be representative of how the mainstream media portrays just about everything that doesn’t support a left-wing agenda.

This is how the media portrays the illegal immigration situation in this country.
A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, “Sir, this was the most brave and gallant thing I saw a man do in my whole life.” The biker replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.” The reporter says, “Well, I’m a journalist from The New York Times, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page … So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.”

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:


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Recently Heard at Mass

Posted by james0235 on December 4, 2009

Recently heard at Mass from a newly ordained priest:

“Go in peace, the Mass is ended…er…uh…the other way around.”

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Posted by james0235 on August 12, 2008

Ned Flanders: “What do you think, reverend?”

Reverend Lovejoy: “Once something has been approved by the government, it’s no longer immoral.”

$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)

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Cross Examination

Posted by james0235 on July 21, 2008

(Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc –

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Posted by james0235 on June 11, 2008

“Oh, Lord, please let me say the right words this afternoon, as I consecrate another gay union that angers you so.”

“And do you Julio take Thad to be your lawfully wedded life partner, in Massachusetts and Vermont, maybe Canada, stay out of Texas, for as long as you both are gay?” (audio clip)

-Homer Simpson in There’s Something About Marrying

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Catholic Pickup Lines

Posted by james0235 on May 10, 2008

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

8. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.

7. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

6. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

5. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

3. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

1. Confess here often?

(by Patrick Madrid of Envoy)

Any guesses on which one of these I have actually tried? 😉

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Posted by james0235 on April 15, 2008

I just thought it was funny.

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Posted by james0235 on April 11, 2008

Stephen Colbert

“And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.”

Stephen Colbert

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Posted by james0235 on March 25, 2008


“Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.”

-Homer Simpson in The Father, The Son & The Holy Guest Star

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Posted by james0235 on March 18, 2008

“I consider all religions equal. And by equal, I mean they’re all tied for second place behind Catholicism.”

Stephen Colbert

Posted in humor, quotes | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »